Merry Christmas! Christmas this year was a first again. First Christmas in our home as a new family, and first Christmas without mum.
One of the things my mum and I had in common was our love for bad weather and the rain. Mum always felt alive in that weather and I remember mum and I going for runs in the rain and talking about how the fresh air and the smell of rain energized us. On Christmas Eve this year we woke up to rain and it was an instant comfort blanket for me & and in a small way it made me feel close to her. It's funny how it can be small things like the weather that trigger those special memories stored up in your heart. It feels like I'm pulling books off the bookshelf sometimes, parts of my life that I'd forgotten about, or hadn't realized were important to me. Opening up new books, understanding more from hindsight. You really, really, really don't know what you have till it's gone. This Christmas I took the time to remember mum, to cry when I needed to, to pray, and to also try to enjoy this time. The memories of our life together break my heart and warm it at the same time. They hurt because they remind me of what I can't have right now, but they warm it because they will always be in my head and heart, and most importantly because the remind me that we will be together again. Forever. This time with no short term pain.
Christmas Eve we celebrated Christmas at my Dad's house with my siblings and grandparents, as we always do. It was bittersweet, we all were missing her but we had each other and we all knew how the other was feeling without having to say it. We had our Christmas dinner then had presents and the Christmas message around the tree and sang our socks off to Christmas carols while Grandma played the piano. My sister Tamara got my sister and I a sculpture (pictured below) of a mum and a daughter embracing and it's so special to me. I think it perfectly depicts the way a mother & daughter embrace. I remember so clearly hugging mum like this crying my eyes out, with her arms around me and feeling better instantly because she had her arms around me and she loved me. It's the most special Christmas present.
Jonny and I celebrated Christmas morning as well, the start of our new traditions as a new family. We ate croissants, drank chai and got up suuuper early because someone was suuuuper excited. *cough* Christmas was overall good, and life is still OK. We still have things to look forward to and Christ still has us in His hands. We just have to trust that He is omniscient and He cares for us deeply. Bring on 2016.